As we come to the last day of the year, this is something I wish more parents were told early on.
Neuroscience shows us that behaviours like meltdowns, shutdowns, avoidance, or emotional outbursts are often the brain’s fight–flight–freeze response.
They don’t happen because a child is being defiant or “testing limits.”
They happen when a child feels overwhelmed, unsafe, or overloaded.
And this matters, especially as we reflect on the year gone by 👇
A brain in survival mode cannot learn, reason, or regulate itself.
So when the focus stays only on controlling behavior, through pressure, rewards, or consequence, we may quiet what we see on the outside, but increase distress on the inside.
As this year closes, research and positive psychology continue to remind us of some truths worth carrying forward:
- Autism is not something to be fixed
- Compliance is not the same as wellbeing
- Safety, predictability, empathy, and acceptance support regulation far better than control
When we move from “How do I stop this behavior?” to
“What is my child’s nervous system responding to?”, outcomes begin to change.
As we step into a new year, perhaps the goal isn’t stricter parenting, but kinder, more informed support.
Have you noticed your child struggles more when pressure increases? Let’s begin the next year with understanding, not blame.