“Why does my 3-year-old scream when it’s time to leave the park?”
“Why can’t she just listen when I say no?”
If this sounds familiar—you’re not alone. I hear these questions from parents almost every week. And the answer isn’t about parenting mistakes or ‘naughty’ kids.
It’s about brain development.
What is Self-regulation in preschoolers?
Self-regulation is a big term for a very human skill: it’s the ability to manage emotions, control impulses, and respond appropriately to everyday situations.
For a preschooler, this might mean:
- Waiting their turn
- Saying “I’m upset” instead of hitting
- Calming down after getting upset
But here’s what most people don’t realise: this skill doesn’t just appear on its own. It develops slowly, with the right support—especially from the adults around them.
The Brain Is Still Learning
The part of the brain that handles self-regulation (the prefrontal cortex) is still under construction in young children. It’s why 3 to 4-year-olds often act on impulse—they’re not being difficult, their brain just isn’t ready yet.
Think of it like this: when your child is overwhelmed, their “thinking brain” goes offline, and the “feeling brain” takes over.
What helps? You. Your calm voice. Your patient presence.
This is called co-regulation—and it’s how children learn to regulate themselves, by first borrowing your calm.
Signs of Growing Self-Regulation
Every child develops at their own pace, but some early signs of emotional growth might look like:
- Taking a deep breath before reacting
- Expressing their feelings in words
- Being able to wait—at least for a short while
- Following simple rules (with reminders!)
- Showing concern for others
If your child isn’t doing all these things yet, don’t worry. This is the learning phase.
Simple Ways You Can Support It
Just a few simple, consistent tools make a big difference:
1. Name the emotion
“You’re feeling upset because your toy broke.” This helps children understand and process their feelings.
2. Create a routine
Knowing what comes next helps reduce stress in the brain. Use songs, visuals, or countdowns for transitions.
3. Model calm
They learn from watching you. If you pause to breathe, they’ll start doing the same.
4. Play games that build control
“Freeze dance” and “Red light, green light” are fun ways to practise impulse control.
5. Use calming strategies
A soft corner with a pillow, deep breaths, squeezing a stress toy—these build their emotional toolbox.
6. Celebrate the effort
“You were upset, but you tried to calm down. That’s amazing.” Effort matters more than being perfect.
Summing Up
All preschoolers have meltdowns. They get overstimulated, overtired, or just overwhelmed. That’s normal.
But with time, patience, and your steady support—they’ll learn to pause, to breathe, and to manage their big feelings better.
And if you ever feel unsure whether your child’s emotional development is on track, it’s okay to ask for help. Sometimes, a quick conversation with your pediatrician or pediatric neurologist can ease a lot of worry.
If you have questions or concerns, feel free to reach out. Dr. Aman PS Sohal Pediatric Neuro Consultant in Dubai , works with families to better understand their child’s development and brain health.
